You're Not Me
by Yami-chan and Unrealistic
Summary: Just a short little Lykouleon fic. What if he's not the calm, sure leader everyone thinks him to be? Everyone has a breaking point, right?


Yami-chan: Yeah, I know I know. I should be working on Lost Souls. 

* YGO fans glare*

But I just got into my Dragon Knights obsession so you're gonna have to deal with it!!

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Note: I only have up to volume 3. So some details may be screwed up.

This is just a short Lykouleon analyzer. What if his cheery and sure personality is just a mask to hide his true feelings? I've seen some evidence in the manga that the Dragon Lord has a lot on his mind and is perhaps not as sure of himself as everyone thinks.

YC: *whispers loudly* Ruwalk, you're on!

*Ruwalk is pushed on stage, holding a slightly crumpled piece of paper* Um, let's see…Yami-chan does not own Dragon Knights or else the series would be animated and she would own me--- what?!

YC: *smiles and waves to her Ruwalk-chan*

Ruwalk: *gulps nervously and runs off stage screaming for mercy*

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I can't hold on

To what I want when I'm stretched so thin

It's all too much to take in

I can't hold on

To anything watching everything spin

With thoughts of failure sinking in.

-- Linkin Park

"By Myself"

----YOU'RE NOT ME----

The boundaries broken again….yokai uprisings and mysterious disappearances…. What else was new? I let out a deep sigh as I filed the reports into their separate drawers. Despite Nadil's head being locked away beneath my very feet, the yokai lord's forces just seemed to be still growing in power. There was nothing further I could do…

Names of the day's dead rang in my mind again. My dragon fighters were just spread far too thin. Everyday the number of casualties would mount even higher. And this war hasn't even really begun yet….What could I do? I clenched my fists. There was nothing more I could do. If I called back the dragon fighters, all hell would break loose. Nadil's forces were just waiting for that moment. 

Shaking my head, I reached for my cup of tea. As the liquid touched my lips, it was stone cold. At that realization, I looked up at the clock. Two in the morning? Where had the time gone? It seemed like just a moment ago Tetheus had come and given the evening security report. And even earlier so, Alfeegi had been screaming at Rath who had knocked over the dinner table because he had heard the word 'yokai.' I smiled. That boy… As if reading my thoughts, I heard Kai-stern yelling out his window at Rath, who had obviously been trying to sneak out again. He would never learn… 

I slid the documents in a folder and winced as the edge of a sheet cut my finger. By habit, I put it in my mouth and cursed. Could this day, excuse me, morning, get any better? Damn it. Why am I crying? It was just a stupid papercut. Nothing serious. If anyone saw me now…But soon they'd be nobody. At the rate my forces were being pushed back, the dragon officers and even the knights would be forced to fight to the death. I glared at the small drop of salty water that landed on my paperwork, smearing the curving penmarks from a faraway politician.

"Kuso."

I tossed the document aside where it fluttered to the ground, standing out innocently on the spotless marble floor. How had these insignificant pieces of paper come to rule my life?! I knocked the folders and files of the mahogany desk with a vengeance. 

I should be out there! I should be fighting as well!! Not just blindly and mindlessly sending loyal men out there to DIE!!!!

I slumped back in my seat, wiping away the stubborn tears. Hah, Alfeegi would be mad with me now… I leaned forward in my chair, face shadowed by my bangs. What was next? Who would die next? If anyone, it should be me. By Dusis, I--

"My lord?"

I didn't bother looking up at the soft voice. "Raseleane, please. Not now."

I faintly heard her soft footfalls falter as my queen spotted the disarray of my normally tidy quarters. She rested a caring hand on my shoulder. "Lykouleon, what is it?"

"You wouldn't understand," I quietly answered.

She knelt, her silken dress whispering around her. "Please, tell me what's wrong." Raseleane gently touched my cheek, wiping away tears.

I took brief comfort in the kind gesture. "You wouldn't understand," I repeated more firmly, carefully removing her hand and letting go.

"Lykouleon…"

"You wouldn't understand!" I yelled, bolting up from my chair. She gasped and recoiled backwards at my uncharacteristic outburst. "Please, go now," I whispered. 

Stumbling, Raseleane stood and dashed out of the room, her skirts nearly tripping her. I heard the door slam behind and I fell to my knees. W-what have I done now? I held my shaking hands in front of me. How? The small cut had worsened and still bled. As I clenched my fists, a small rivulet of blood dripped across the back of my hand. Oh gods…I never wanted her to see me like this….Whole body shaking, I let myself fall back, my back contacting the side of the desk. 

Gods…I squeezed my eyes shut, the tears starting their paths anew. Faintly, I noticed the sweet scent of Raseleane's perfume had lingered even after her hasty departure. What next? Sometimes it was just all too much…too many people looked to me for protection. Peasants and politicians alike. But how could I guarantee their safety while dozens, dozens of dozens, were dying each and every day? I leaned my head back, exhaustion both mental and physical seeping in. 

I don't know…

I honestly don't know….

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__

Geez, what a day. I thought Alfeegi would never shut up and then the extra reports. Sweet Dusis…Ruwalk yawned and stretched as he headed down the empty corridors, his black boots tapping. _I'm ready for bed._ Suddenly, stifled sobs caught the yellow dragon officer's attention. "Milady?" 

The queen was leaning against the wall outside of the dragon lord's office, crying. Concerned, Ruwalk gently touched her arm. 

He obviously startled her as she jumped. "Oh, R-Ruwalk."

His brow furrowed. "What is it, my queen?"

She shook her head. "It's L-lord Lykouleon. Something's wrong."

The officer instantly went alert as he reached for the door handle. "Is he hurt?!"

"No, wait!" The green-haired woman grabbed his jacket. "Leave him alone right now."

"Wha--why?" Ruwalk was, needless to say, utterly confused. Raseleane didn't answer and looked away. Sighing lightly, he rested his hands on her shoulders. "Why don't you go to bed now, my queen? It's late and you look like you need the rest."

"But Lyk--"

"I'll take care of him," he replied winking. 

Raseleane smiled shakily. She trusted him. After all, Ruwalk had know Lykouleon longer than she had. "Alright."

Ruwalk smiled. "Get going then," he said kindly. "Don't be afraid to wake Cernozura. If she gives you a hard time, just tell me."

The dragon queen smiled more strongly and nodded. "Thank you."

"No prob."

She turned and headed back for her room.

Alone, Ruwalk sighed and looked to the doors. _How do I get myself in these situations? Well, here goes…_He rested his hand on the handle and pulled. The room he entered was eerily quiet. Nothing seemed to move. Ruwalk was almost afraid to step into the room. He swallowed hard as he stepped forward. "Lykouleon?" There was no sign of his childhood friend. "Hey, where are you?"

"What are you doing here?"  
The dragon officer nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice. He spotted the golden-haired figure by the desk. The appearance and flatness of the lord's voice truly frightened Ruwalk. "Are you okay?" Lykouleon didn't answer. The black-haired man's eyes fell on the small but noticeable trickle of blood on his friend's slender hand. Shaken quite a bit, he knelt by the once-proud leader. "Hey…" he whispered.

Bleary blue-green eyes looked up at him. "Ruwalk? I didn't know it was you."

The said officer smiled. "Hey, buddy. How're you doing?"

A weak smile crossed the other's features. "Not quite so well as you can probably tell."

"No kidding." To fill the silence, Ruwalk tore a small strip from his sparring clothes and tied it around Lykouleon's hand. "There you go. Good as new." He leaned back and inspected the scattered files and papers. "Man, Alfeegi's gonna freak."

Lykouleon laughed softly. "Exactly what I thought earlier."

Ruwalk stood and extended a hand. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."

At first, the golden-haired man didn't seem to respond, then looked up and accepted. Smiling, the officer pulled his friend up.

Suddenly, "RUWALK!!"

Both cringed as a blonde haired woman stormed into the room, night clothes rumpled and short hair a mess. Raseleane could barely be seen behind her. "I would do anything for the queen, mind you," she hissed. "But not at 3 in the morning and under your orders!!!"

Ruwalk squeaked and Lykouleon laughed. "Guess things are back to normal."

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YC: My first Dragon Knights ficcie! Yeah! Do you like? Not like? Why? Constructive criticism is always accepted! 

I love to receive mail so just send comments to chibiyasha@inuyasha-online.zzn.com at any time! Sayonara minna-san!

Note: I think the song "By Myself" by Linkin Park fits Lykouleon pretty well. Well, from what I've seen of him. If you think about, he is kinda 'by himself' alone ruling as the Dragon Lord. Here's the lyrics to the whole song. I didn't care for the song the first time I heard it (it starts out kind fast before it slows down) but then I looked at the words and listened to the verses and it all fit together. Though I still don't care much for the chorus. ^_^; I suggest downloading the song if you can! (Please read the lyrics! Some really hit home when thinking about Lykouleon. And perhaps even yourself…)

What do I do to ignore them behind me?

Do I follow my instincts blindly?

Do I hide my pride / From these bad dreams

And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?

Do I / Sit here and try to stand it?

Or do I / Try to catch them red-handed?

Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,

Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?

Because I can't hold on / When I'm stretched so thin

I make the right moves but I'm lost within

I put on my daily façade but then 

I just end up getting hurt again

By myself (myself)

I ask why but in my mind

I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on

To what I want when I'm stretched so thin

It's all too much to take in

I can't hold on

To anything watching everything spin

With thoughts of failure sinking in_._

If I / Turn my back I'm defenseless

And to go on blindly seems senseless

If I hide my pride and let it all go / Then they'll

Take from me till everything's gone

If I let them go I'll be outdone

But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun

If I'm killed my questions like a cancer

Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer

How do you think / I've lost so much

I'm so afraid / I'm out of touch

How do you expect / I'll know what to do

When all I know / Is what you tell me to 

Don't you know

I can't tell you how to make it go

No matter what I do, how hard I try

I can't seem to convince myself why

I'm stuck on the outside


End file.
